


Signed In Blood

by orphan_account



Series: The Deal [2]
Category: MCU, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Gen, References to Torture, infinity war and endgame fix it, it's gonna get a bit dark, loki lives
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-20
Updated: 2019-12-22
Packaged: 2020-09-19 09:21:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 18,940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20328790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: “So,” Dagery said, one of Odin’s most trusted, a master in negotiations. “You want us—” he gestured to the large circular  stone table that Odin  and all of his advisors and any more important to Asgard sat at, including Frigga—next to him—Loki and Thor who sat across the king and queen at the table.“To believe that you are from the future and was sent back here to save the universe.”Loki took a bite of his jur-berry jam coated toast, his hands were free but the guards demanded that Loki be chained from the waist down.  “Yes.”Loki of Asgard. Loki of Jotunheim. Loki of a lost time.Loki the Trickster. Loki the Prince. Loki the Traitor. Loki the masquerading King. The Rightful Heir of Jotunheim.So many titles. So many roles he’s had to play. He is all of them and none of them. He will wear each title to gain the reward. He will play the game he’s so carefully crafted and set the pieces on the board.He will win.After the events on Midgard Loki needs to carry out and finalize the next steps of his plan, which involves telling Thor and a room full of advisors who think he’s evil and a traitor the truth for a start and even more sacrifices from an already exhausted Loki.





	1. Loki of a lost time

**Author's Note:**

> ok this took way to long to write but at least it's up now
> 
> reading part one is highly advised

“So,” Dagery said, one of Odin’s most trusted, a master in negotiations. “You want us—” he gestured to the large circular stone table that Odin and all of his advisors and any more important to Asgard sat at, including Frigga—next to him—Loki and Thor who sat across the king and queen at the table.“To believe that you are from the future and was sent back here to save the universe.”

Loki took a bite of his jur-berry jam coated toast, his hands were free but the guards demanded that Loki be chained from the waist down. “Yes.”

Loki of Asgard. Loki of Jotunheim. Loki of a lost time.

Loki the Trickster. Loki the Prince. Loki the Traitor. Loki the masquerading KingThe Rightful Heir of Jotunheim.

So many titles. So many roles he’s had to play. He is all of them and none of them. He will wear each title to gain the reward. He will play the game he’s so carefully crafted and set the pieces on the board.

He will win.

The council of Ten had gathered in the Golden Hall, Odin's chosen council meeting room, named for the golden walls lit by the light streaming in from the large windows. Loki disliked many of the members Odin chose to gather—when he was king he favored different generals and masters in certain areas. 

Loki had given everyone assembled the summarized version of his story. Before the time jump and after. Odin backed him, adding details when he saw fit. 

Thor remained silent, staring at Loki in disbelief. Cyra, Frigga’s Chief Advisor, took it in without looking too shocked. 

Dagery huffed, shaking his head. "Well, I don't."

"Explain how I know about Hela," Loki saw Thor flinch a little at the mention of his new sister, Odin's latest betrayal. "The Infinity Stones, The Avengers. I'll listen."

"You could have created it all," Thor finally spoke, his words calm but accusing. "Set up all the events you claimed to the king that would happen."

Loki nodded. "And how would I know about Hela."

Thor's eyes flashed to Odin. "History can't be entirely erased."

"Fair enough," Loki leaned closer to Thor. "But if my clams have any merit, all of your people's lives are in danger."

"I can fight this _ Thanos _."

Loki barked a laugh. "I spared some details but I did include the part where you were tortured with an Infinity Stone and then held down by magic."

"You always had a gift for crafting stories."

"A small part of you must believe me, where is that undying loyalty to your father, he believes me."

Thor was getting angry, Loki could feel the tingle of electricity in the air. "I don't underestimate you, Loki. You've tricked all of us before."

"Oh, is the betrayal still stinging, mixing with mine that your own father didn't tell you about a power-crazy older sister. It must hurt so much to know that your entire life is a lie."

“Enough,” Odin said before Thor could formulate a response. “Loki is telling the truth, I have already tested him two years ago.”

“Dark Elves and an Infinity Stone are all coming soon,” Loki regained the attention of everyone in the room, his voice wasn’t thundering like Odin’s but it got the job done. “If we play our cards right no one needs to die.”

All eyes turned to Frigga, remembering how moments ago Loki had, emotionlessly as he could, delivered the news of her forthcoming death. 

Frigga didn’t look afraid, Odin had told her once he found out, she’d had time to process. 

“And,” Thor continued ignoring Odin. “What if this is all a controlled problem, that your working with the enemy and just trying to end up on the throne.” 

“Oh yes,” Loki’s words dripped in sarcasm. “Because this is the best, more cohesive, most logical way to get the throne.” 

“Well in your story, everyone else is dead.” 

“To be fair, I never said you died, brother, I never got to see that, but it was looking likely.” 

“_ Brother,” _ Thor parrotted and Loki hardly noticed himself use the word. “You tried to kill me, denounced your family name and now I’m _ brother.” _

Loki rolled his eyes dramatically so that Thor could see. “It was an act, _ brother, _everything I’ve said from the day before your coordination was all an act and I never once tried to kill you, this time around. Not really.”

“The assault at my coordination, the attack on Midgard could’ve killed me if not for Stark.”

“I had the situation on Midgard completely under control and the missile that stopped it before it could really start and was launched—” 

“By a wizard,” Thor interrupted. “That could have flipped on you. The risk of life is enough for you to remain locked up.” 

Loki took a deep breath. “Just think, _ brother, _I know you’re smarter than you let on.” 

Thor had been breathless, the stars shaking from the fight, the lightning, and the death that covered the rainbow bridge when he saw what no one else would see. An ending of fire to bring to a new age. The saving in the destruction, he had ordered Loki around and Loki hadn’t fought it, because it had been a moment of genius, a little crazy but bold moves win wars. 

“Fine,” Thor grumbled, looking at Odin with barely masked betrayal. “I believe you.” 

Loki finished his bread up, he wiped his mouth with the back of his sleeve. “You really should get better at lying,” 

“Can we get this over with.” 

Dagery folded his hands over the table, a practiced move with an equally practiced look of diplomacy. The other advisors also looked conflicted under the masks of paper. Loki wanted to kill them all. Especially Odin who looked like this was going fine. Frigga has a mask of stone and Loki wanted to know her thoughts but she kept her lips pressed in a tight line.

Loki leashed his anger, he was unarmed and he couldn’t summon anything with the chains around his ankles and hips. “Can you not trust the word of your king?” 

Gersha-Kjeryn, a military general who everyone respected and who commanded the Asgardian troops caught his eyes. Her black skin was adorned with cuffs of gold over her wrists and her dark hair twisted into many little braids. She looked regal but also like a warrior with her gold and silver uniform. 

“If I may, Your Highness,” she was looking at Loki and he wondered if his mask of calm, cool, and collected had slipped. He gave a small nod—he’d been stripped of his titles for his stunt on the Bifrost and they haven’t been formally reinstated but she didn’t seem to care. “I know liars, I’ve interrogated many, I’ve seen warriors lie through their teeth in my centuries. I not only look at the man but the situation,” she gestured to the circle of ten of the most important people in Asgard. “I know this man isn’t lying. Why would he, what would this gain? And even if he was lying this is a highly complex plan for the throne and it’s an impossible story to keep straight and he could have made himself a hero but he didn’t because it’s what needs to be done. These threats are like nothing we’ve seen before.” She bowed her head at the King and Queen and even the two princes. Her eyes stayed on Loki. “Thank you and if you are lying then you have my respect for your ability on your craft but also my spear in your chest.” 

Frigga stood up next and everyone was staring at her, she smiled slightly but her face remained serious. “Thank you, General. I am not one to have blind faith in anyone. I don’t wish any of you too either but trust that my husband and I know our son.” She snapped and his chains sprung free. “I will not make a royal decree to respect our wishes but we know he’s telling the truth. Now we must find a way to move forward for the threats are grave.” 

Loki crossed his legs, hoping his eyes conveyed his thanks to General Gersha-Kjeryn and his mother. “I have had a while to think of my next steps. We need to ally with Xandar and Midgard.” 

“We have loose alliances with both,” Serna said, advisor of finances and the manager of the treasury. Loki always respected her ability to see the bigger picture—a skill that got her here.

“They to be tighter. Tight enough to fight together,” Loki summoned a knife, if only to dull his edges, it was a calm weight in his hand. To everyone’s credit, no one flinched as Loki used the knife to scrape out his filthy nails. “The Convergence comes with the return of the Dark Elves and the appearance of the Reality Stone. It’s dangerous to keep two Infinity Stones together and of Thanos gets word that we are rallying against him he’ll unleash his full forces on Asgard and go after the other Stones and will do so much damage even if he loses.” 

“Why hasn’t he?” General Gersha-Kjeryn asked, her eyes bore into him. Eyes of fire. Some called her Gersha of the Wildfire, for she won honor on a battle-field coated in burning fire, in a once dry forest that caught sparkes during a battle. 

“Because if he goes to work on the Stones while important players are still on the board he be may be stopped. If he goes without a foolproof plan he’ll be stopped. He knows that people will fight—not willing to lie down and take fifty-fifty odds.” 

And then the Chief Advisor to the King cleared his throat. Herka Dormason, his father a legendary figure who fought alongside Bor in the first war against the Dark Elves. The Cheif Advisor held up a hand and silence fell. Loki loosely held onto his knife.

“I believe what the King belives,” his harsh gaze fell on Loki, who met it with more than the man expected from the Loki he thought he’d known. “And as someone who knows all the stories of the Dark Elves, I propose we listen to the traitor-prince but never forget what he’s done—what bloodshed he risked, the assassination of the Jotun King, what he admitted to doing before he time-traveled.” 

_ Traitor-prince. _Loki had been called worse. “The Jotun King was a needed death,” Loki held back his silver tongue. “I needed some kind of resume when I was confronted by a general of the Black Order decides to kill me or not. And it’s known the Dark Elves and the Jotuns are bred of the same darkness and would ally against us. My much younger self had already set that into action when he revealed too much of Asgard defenses and promised them glory.” 

“You came back in time to after the bargain was struck,” Herka said and there was an edge to him that Loki recognized. He saw it in himself. “That changes nothing of what I think of you.”

“I’m not here for rainbows and sunshine and smiles,” Loki willed himself calm down. He was ready for some distrust but would Odin use his royal power to keep him out of prison after they use him or will he let it go to a vote because he has little faith for that a majority would vote for his freedom. He would die on that final battlefield or flee and if they try to enslave him before his plan is done, he will escape and let the world burn to ash. “I don’t deny my past. But I will not pay for my crimes with the blood of Asgardian people slaughtered.” 

Herka was not skilled in wielding steel but he used his words as his weapons. “I say to keep you in a cage and you tell us what we need to know. I don’t trust you on the front lines.” 

Loki had his words too. “Fine then. I’ll prove I am to trust. Lock me up if you will but I’m far more talkative in comfort.” 

Thor snatched the knife from Loki’s hands. Loki could see why it could be seen as unsettling. “I disagree. If this is his scheme he can die on the battle-field, I will not let him command us from a cell, he will risk his life. He’s likely, to tell the truth, that way. I promise I will not let him flee.” 

Loki knew Thor was coming around more, the betrayal still stung him but he always wanted the family to be whole and maybe this was the way for him to try and do that. Baby steps. But Loki didn’t have the heart to tell him his plan has him leaving in some way or another baked into them. 

The General of the Wildfire who seldom fought anymore since her knowledge of war and battle is too great to die with her raised her chin in challenge. “I second that. I know war is coming. I can feel it in the air.” 

General Tergha, another master of war, not as well known as the General Gersha-Kjeryn but he has hatched great victories. “I third it.” 

Odin had the nerve to look pleased with the thread of trust the council gave him. Loki knew it was smart and he would doubt anyone with his story but his temper thrashed against its bonds. Loki didn’t let them break. He’s endured too much to give up. He was willing to go on the battlefields already, to risk his life with his plan but they seemed to like the idea of him vulnerable.

Loki had learned one thing from the Black Widow. To use vulnerability as a weapon, to play into their expectations. So Loki would let them force him to be apart of every plan and idea he had, he knew they would work He would even let them keep him in chains but he couldn’t take another cage.

They didn’t need to know that. 

“So,” Dagery started once again. “You keep alluding to some master plan of yours, what is it?” 

Loki had questioned that himself in the borrowed time he had. “The first step it simple, wait until Heimdall cannot see Dr. Jane Foster and check any captured people for Elvish tricks.” 

“Then?” Dagery prompted and everyone's eyes were like vultures for information and Loki almost outright denies him his request. 

“Then,” Loki said slowly like he was explaining to a toddler. “We set a trap and deal with Malkeith.” 

Thor unknowingly makes small pulses of electricity soar through the air. “You said that Jane almost died in the past timeline, it was clear you didn’t care but I do.” 

“She’ll survive,” Loki resisted the urge to roll his eyes. She wouldn’t need to live nearly as long as she had to in the other timeline, again if he played his cards right. “Trust me. Trust the King.’ 

Thor’s eyes were almost cracked with lighting but he too controled his temper. “I find that hard to do.” 

“Which one?” Loki deep down was tired but a small part of him enjoyed this hectic meeting, if only for the chaos of it. 

“It doesn’t matter,” Thor said through gritted teeth.

Loki smirked. “Sure.” 

“What is the trap,” General Gersha-Kjeryn asked, breaking up the brothers from something that was a bit close to their usual banter. “I’ll help perfect it.” 

General Tergha nodded next to her. 

Herka exchanged a look with Odin. “I will make sure if it goes wrong. If Dr. Foster dies you do so as well. Or maybe not die but wish for death.” 

Loki took the threat the held it close, making sure he remembered the harsh face of stone that delivered the threat. He didn’t know if he could handle being tortured again but he surely couldn’t act like that so he just laughed, brittle and humorless.

“You can try,” Loki mustered his bravado, he’d lied and tricked to get here. He’s fought and suffered and remade himself of the ashes Thanos tried to make him. He would avenge his people. Avenge himself. 

_ He would not break. _

He couldn’t not until Thanos and his terrorizing army are ashes. After though, after he could shatter.

Herka didn’t look amused. “I didn’t get to where I am by trusting self-righteous brats who want to play king and savior.” 

Loki had been called worse. “I think you got this far leaching of your father and trusting Odin.” 

“I trust my king with my life. I believe you’re from the future, your knowledge speaks for you, Loki, I just don’t believe you won’t change sides when things start to go south.” 

_ Loki. _No title. No respect. Nothing. But Loki didn’t care what he was called. But Odin held up a hand, silencing Loki before he could even speak. 

“Loki will not switch sides, Thor will ensure he cannot leave during battle and eyes will always be on him,” Odin said calmy. Loki had the urge to stab someone again, he held back. “We need to talk more about this plan. The trap. And then of what comes next.” 

Loki really wanted to stab something or someone. He hated diplomacy, he hated the respectful tones that held no respect, he hated everyone second-guessing everything. “The plan hinges on keeping that fact that I’m not really a traitor on the down-low. Thor do you remember Hervenah.” 

Thor’s eyes flashed to him and his face darkened. No doubt as he recalled the situation where Sif pretended to swap sides and turn in their group. Her flirting had been terrible but it got the job done and the guard distracted. 

“No.”

Loki rolled his eyes. “I’m nearly sure I won’t need to flirt with anyone. Although I think tempting Malakeith to something wouldn’t be too hard.”

Odin’s eye nearly popped out of his head. Frigga gave him a look he recognizes from his childhood. 

“Loki—” Thor bit his lip, cutting himself off. “This isn’t a good idea.” 

Herka leaned forward, feline and calculating. “Let him finish.”

Loki knew the man was waiting for Loki to slip, to give some impossible plan but Loki just smirked. Assessing_ his _ prey. “Well, I ‘escape’ and hand over Dr. Foster to the Elven King and then an ambush happens.” 

“How do we get in contact with the King?” Dagery cut in. 

“He’ll know where his prize is, he’s connected to it,” Loki’s mind was opening up doors to possibilities but he forced himself to remain focused. “The exchange will happen at Svartalfheim.” 

“Will it?” Herka challenged. “On _ his _land.” 

“On _ his _ barren land where there’ll be no collateral damage.” 

Herka clenched his jaw and he and Dagery exchanged a look. Loki couldn’t help it as he smirked, taking a second to look out the large window, the view of harsh mountains and the shining sun.

Time worked differently here than on Midgard, hours could be spent on one decision, time didn’t move slower here but the long-lived Asgardians took longer on many things, laking the haste and urgency that fueled Midgardains in their heartbeat lives, so sometimes decisions would take days to think things over and make conclusions. 

“I had another vision,” Odin said, his body language screamed tense. “Worse than the last.” Odin had mentioned in passing to the group of ten about his visions. “Devastation like nothing I’ve seen before.” 

Loki had seen the murders of nearly all of Asgard. “I know.” 

“Not Asgard,” Odin reached for Gungnir, his spear of power with one hand and his queen with the other. “But of Thanos himself snapping with a golden gauntlet and everyone around him...a host of thousands I think on Midgard, one had a suit like the Man of Iron but larger. But Thor.” His eye fell on his Heir of Lighting. “You had imbedded an ax in his chest but he snapped anyway and vanished. Then people started to turn to dust.” 

“An ax?” Thor asked like that was the most important thing that Odin had said. “Loki claimed my hammer was destroyed,” Thor answered his own question, mostly talking to himself. “Is it a mighty ax.”

“Yes.” 

“You should have aimed for the head,” Loki mumbled, thinking of every brag and word that left Thanos’ lips and the Other’s as well. “Thanos can only be killed by being beheaded or at least it’s the easiest. His chest has extra layers of bone, like no other kind, it would take the strongest weapon over two strikes to cut through it all.” It had been said by the Other as he bragged about his Mater but Loki had stored it away. 

Thor was watching him. “I wouldn’t have known that. I would have wanted to look into the eyes of the killer of my people as he died.” 

“And thus he would live,” Loki closed his eyes, shutting out the golden beams the Asgardian sun cast in. “If Odin dreamt it, saw it in the future we’re still on that path.” 

“The Allfather’s prophetic dreams have never been wrong,” Herka said gravely. The deck was stacked against them but it would be because if Thanos saw a host assembling he would show his full hand and destroy everything, make his plays and that couldn’t happen until Loki had the full advantage.

It was maddening.

Thanos still had a great army of faceless creatures to throw at Loki and he knew where all the others were but the Soul Stone and in a race to see who would get more had too many variables. Loki didn’t even have anything to use the Stones with. 

Thanos in his time had to have found out where the Soul Stone is if he started to move. Loki was working in the shadows to try to sabotage the already stacked deck. Loki just had to get the four—Space, Mind, Reality, Time maybe Power if Xandar allies with him, and gives over the Power Stone but he fears it may come down to a race to get the Power Stone against Thanos and his army. Then Thanos would have to get the Soul Stone and Loki could use his Stones to get whatever Thanos has. All six in a gauntlet of his own. 

And then he would snap. 

And then he would finally rest. 

“No they haven’t been,” Loki finally said. “But right now we that to be what the future holds, we do this in the shadows, Thanos even with most of his Chitauri destroyed he still has lost of blood to spare. We don’t.” 

“The shadows are for cowards,” Herka hissed. “We are men of honor and war—” 

“If we fight a war we could lose,” Loki said in a deadly whisper. “He could destroy Asgard and if we play this right we can have the stones and everyone alive.” 

“We wait for now, but Thanos has been a stain in the Nine for a long time,” Odin cut in. “We will not wait much longer after the convergence.”

“I wasn’t planning too,” Loki considered what to tell them and what to keep to himself. “The next step will be gathering allies and then we strike.” 

“What allies?” Frigga asked, her tongue sharp. So the king told the queen of his plan to bring Hela onto their side. 

“Whoever will work with us but I have a few in mind,” Loki wouldn’t give anymore today, they could wait and pour over it for a while, thinking themselves for a change. Loki gathered his strength, he was so tired. He had a long day and his very bones hurt but he would not let them see. 

He stood up, chainless in the light of day. Burning through all the shadows he loved. The shadows within him stayed curled around his heart of ice and wind. He gave a mocking bow to Herka. 

“I’ll be in my quarters,” Loki wouldn’t let his legs waver as he took a few steps back, not yet turning. Letting his smirk fill with mischief and power. “If you have a problem with that, take it up with the king.” 

Let them see. 

Loki of Shadows, standing in the bright light. 

Loki the traitor-prince, walking freely. 

Loki turned and forced himself to walk slowly, to saunter as he did before. He held his chin high and didn’t slump his shoulders. Odin had promised, whatever his advisors said they couldn’t touch him. Odin had promised on everything that Loki would be pardoned. Loki had loved to watch them balk at the idea of him free.

Loki kept walking and didn’t look back at the table as he passed guards and into the throne room. He didn’t even glance at the throne. He walked down the long halls and up the spiral of steps and his room was waiting for him. 

Loki didn’t relax until he checked the room for any foul play and waited for someone to come after him. Nothing. 

Loki fell onto the bed and sent some magic out to guard him. He used the last of his strength casting the spell and let himself be dragged into the land of dreams. 

* * *

Loki woke with a scream on his lips. 

The blur of horrors haunting him like a shadow that never goes away. 

He didn’t sleep well that night. His body ached and his gut was in turmoil. He didn’t have time to go see a healer so he ignored it.

In the morning he changed out of the rumpled clothing he slept in and dressed in his usual layers of green and black. 

When he finally opened his door he saw Thor, flanked by the Warrior’s Three and Sif standing just outside his door. All with weapons but Thor. They didn’t want Thor to see him alone.

Loki met each of their stares, challenging but full of knowledge. Thor told them as expected, he knew they were all loyal and wouldn’t tell and also loyal enough to the throne that they wouldn’t kill him against the King’s wishes.

Loki had also strapped many knives to himself this morning. All hidden but he still felt their comforting weight. “Good morning,” Loki said with fake cheer. “Just like old times all of us gathered together to get breakfast.” Loki started to walk down the hall towards the kitchens but Volstagg grabbed onto his arm. 

Loki was expecting that but he still flinched and snatched his arm away. He kept himself from reaching for his knives. A wave of nausea flashed through him. He told himself it was because he needed food.

“Not at all like old times,” Volstagg said, his ax looked shined from where it was held loosely in his hand. “We won’t dine with a criminal. A traitor.”

Loki forced himself to relax a bit, looking tense and on edge wouldn’t work, he easily slipped into the practiced stance, full of arrogance and power. “If you don’t want my company then why wait outside my door like a dog in need of his master's attention.”

Volstagg dropped the ax and lunged and Loki had the hilt of a dagger in his hand—the one hidden in his sleeve—as his fist hurled towards Loki’s stomach. 

Loki jumped to the side, his knives in both hands and ready and Volstagg didn’t want to kill but certainly wanted a piece of him. 

_ “Enough,” _ Thor said but Volstagg didn’t stop. Loki let himself take a bone-shattering punch to the jaw—pain surged through him but nothing he couldn’t take—to take advantage of his left side that he left open, and slam a knife in his shoulder. 

Loki’s jaw ached as agony laced through him, Volstagg was as strong as Thor and his jaw was definitely broken. Loki gently pressed his hand to it but Norns he wasn’t good with healing magic and the lack of sleep the last several weeks and all the magic he used in the Void training and on Midgard weighed on him. 

“Enough,” Thor yelled again. Sif had already moved from her spot to put pressure on Volstagg's wound. “I said not to hurt him.” 

Loki staggered back, letting the wall catch him. Loki needed food and something else. Something felt wrong, so wrong, beyond the jaw. Something deep inside him trashed. Loki shook as a phantom fire burned through him. 

Loki was burning, it was too hot in his skin. The smoldering heat suffocated him. Loki molded into the wall. He was melting, he was sure of that.

“I didn’t hit him that hard,” Volstagg grunted as Hogan and Siff started to help him to healers. Loki felt all the eyes on him. Norns his whole body hurt. “He’s acting.” 

Loki closed his eyes, it was too bright. Loki bit down a scream, he was burning so brightly the stars must have been forced down his throat. Loki hardly felt it as his legs collapsed, the floor was cooler than the wall but it brought no true relief. 

Thor was close now. He was talking and kneeling and touching his burning skin. Thor let out a small gasp and so did the others. Loki forced his eyes open and saw what they did. 

His hand was blue, the rich blue of his true kin. That was the last thing he saw before it all was eaten by a wave of darkness. 


	2. The Promised One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the sake of this fic, Thor has always known his lightning powers come from him but he has been using the hammer as a crutch for so long he kind of forgets how to summon his powers without it. It’s just muscle memory to use it. 
> 
> Also, I gave magic a system since Marvel's, to say the least isn’t clear. It’s not mentioned in the story but almost all Asgardians have some kind of magic in them but it takes a lot of special training to learn how to use and strengthen it and many don’t bother or only learn the basics for mundane tasks. 

Loki thought he’d known pain. He thought he’d walked down the dark and twisted roads with pain holding his hand. He’d climbed down the dark well and almost reached the bottom.

But the bottom had opened and Loki drowned. 

It was molten tongues slashing over his body. It was a wave of crippling pain hitting him, then another and another. It was like he’d been wrapped in silk and served on a silver platter to pain to do its worst. He imagined dark tendrils reaching out and latching on him, fire falling over him like a waterfall, the tendrils seeped deeper. Unmaking him. Recreating him into something other. Something that’s cells rebelled against them. Whose nerves flared with phantom fire. A body that was adapted to not die, only so pain can ravish it longer.

He wished for death but death didn’t come. It hurt worse than anything. It lasted so long Loki had time to drown and die and be reborn and die again. 

* * *

Loki woke up with a star in his chest. It ate away at his skin and bone and burned in the pit of his chest like it was the sky. 

But his eyes saw now, he saw the healing quarters. He saw Odin and Frigga talking to Volsatagg, Thor stood guard. His head was tilted to the side and he could see his skin. Blue. He was only in his undershorts,

“He’s up,” somone, probably the Healer, said. His jaw didn’t feel broken anymore at least. 

Loki closed his eyes, the pain had receded a bit but it still rained over him. His brain pounded against his skull, a hammer against a bell and the echoes of the ringing were felt in his toes. His wrist was wreathed in flame but the harsh knives of pain had been dulled.

It was way too hot in here. He wanted to curl up at the top of a mountain and lie in the snow, he wanted to sink to the bottom of a cold sea. 

Frigga was closer now, her hand tangled with his. Her skin was hot too, but it seemed so was everything. He wondered if he could get used to burning. 

“Loki, dear, everything is alright.” 

Loki wanted to scream it wasn’t but his mouth won't open. He watched Thor and Odin move closer. He felt their eyes stay on his new scars. The lightning-like ones from the Other’s chosen method of torture—when he had concentrated his waves of phantom fire on one particular area for a while faint scars streaked his skin—mostly on his stomach.

The new ones on his limbs from magic encrusted knives, the Lieutenant's favorite method. All to see if he could bear the Mind Stone. If they turned him over the would see the whip marks— they had been given to him by a whip the same magical acid as the knives. On his wrists, bracelets of scars from the shackles. 

The Healers could fix many scars if they couldn’t get entirely rid of it (because magic got in the way), they would dull it. His were stark against his blue skin. Like stripes moon-light on a dark pond. 

“Loki,” Odin said. “Can you speak?” 

Loki breathed but he couldn’t seem to speak and darkness crept upon him. The shadows got closer, claws and talons reached for him. They dripped inky darkness onto him and snarled in his ear. Loki could do nothing as they dragged him in the open mouth of some monster ready to devour him.

* * *

Loki woke again. Fog covered him. A daze so strong Loki was hardly aware of anything but his pain. Oh, the pain. Norns, the pain was overwhelming. It was as if pure agony could be bottled and laced into his blood, his bones. It made all the broken bones—even Thanos crushing in his throat—all the stab wounds feel like bruises. 

Loki forced himself to latch onto something, anything. But there was nothing he could. All he had to comfort him was his mind. He could hardly remember his name so he thought it over and over again.

_ Loki. Loki. Loki. _ ** _Loki._ **

** **His body was in ribbons. Is burning alive. Burning and melting into magma. So he told himself his name again and again. Loki. Loki. Loki. 

He told himself his story, forced himself to remember why he was here. Why he couldn’t let death take hold of him.

_ Once upon a time, a prince of two kingdoms, one of gold and one of ice, who hated and loved his family and kingdom, got a second chance. _

_ A second chance. _

Even in this daze, he knew those were rarely given. A second chance to fix everything. A second chance to fail. It laid on his shoulders. The pain wrecked him into a million pieces, a hammer mighty as Thor’s hitting him again and again. 

A waterfall of fire flowed over the shards. It burned him back together so he could break again. 

_ A second chance. _

He wasn’t in a fairytale. Wasn’t even in an old legend. The battle wasn’t glorious. There was no honor. He was selfish and cruel. He sought revenge, not righteousness. There was no one to save him. 

He wasn’t a phoenix. There would be no rising from these ashes. 

* * *

_ Everything was white. Like he was standing inside an electric light. He wasn’t alone. There was a woman—or something that looked like a woman but Loki knew this _ thing _ was beyond gender. This was someone as old as time. _

_ A crown of crystal shaped like stars rested on a bronze brow. Chains with beads of pure crystal crossed over rich white robes, silver hair like moonlight fell to her waist. Her nails were dipped in gold. Amber eyes watched him. _

_ Her face was sharp and her eyes deep with age. The light around her was sucked into the crystal, it glowed and the world around them turned black. She carried no weapons but fear rolled in Loki’s stomach. _

_ “Loki,” a voice clear and strong called. “Loki Odinson-Laufeyson. The Promised One.” _

_ Loki had no knives on him, all he was in was a soft white robe. He waited for an attack. For something but it didn’t come. “What do you want?” _

_ She took a step forward and he couldn’t move back. They were almost chin to chin. the golden nails turned to steel. “I want what’s due to me,” she pointed to her heart with a finger. When she pulled her hand back a beating heart rested in her hand and Loki looked down to see silvery strands connecting it to a hole in his chest. _

_ No pain touched him here. _

_ She held his beating heart in her hand. “Promised One,” she whispered. “The price is high,” she said, her voice turned to honey, it turned to liquid gold, almost singing. A finger plucked at the silver strings that tied his heart back him, like it was a harp. “Oh, Promised One,” she sung with poison-sweetness. A songbird of Helheim. “Oh, Promised One, see how time bleeds. Promised One, see how everyone bleeds.” _

_ And the crystals went dark. Then they exploded into a rainbow of color. The Bifrost hung over her. The rainbow was blinding, light wove together, streaks of gold-white and red-yellow, blue-green and purple-red. The crystals were gemstones of the finest kind. Her crown gleamed with the colors of dawn. _

* * *

_ There was nothing. Loki was nothing, sucked into a black hole and tore apart to the smallest atom. There was fire and pain and cold and numbness. _

_ His eyes opened to see the world on fire. Stars crashed into planets. Galaxies collapsed and the inferno didn’t stop there. A figure robbed in black with red twisted embroidery on the edges appeared before him. _

_ “The Promised One,” they said. “Look how everything burns.” The red detailing turned to flame. Under the deep hood strands of fire and smoke reached for Loki. _

_ He didn’t know who this was but the pain had returned. “Help me.” _

_ The cape melted away to be just a body of fire. Like the other entity, it looked like a woman, even had fire hair. “I am helping you.” _

_ “I know what’s at stake.” _

_ The fire turned to blue translucent strands. The eyes held stars in them. “Do you?” _

* * *

_ Loki was surround ed by ice and rock. “Help me.” _

_ A mirror rested in the corner. A figure stepped into the frame. It was him. Cloaked in black with blue skin and red eyes. A knife covered in blood was held in hand. Loki moved closer and the figure in the mirror moved with him in its prison. _

_ Loki tilted his head. The double copied him. _

_ “You fear what you can do?” the not-him said. A twisted smile on its lips. _

_ Loki said nothing. _

_ “You should, Promised One. Make the wrong decision and then ash will be all that’s left.” _

_ Loki turned away but the mirror switched to that wall. “Then help me.” _

_ “We’ve done all we can, Promised One, you must play this game. You must pay the price.” _

_ “I’m not going to live through this; that’s the price?” _

_ “More than you know.” _

_ “What does that mean?” _

* * *

_ Loki continued to fall. Deeper and deeper. He wasn’t scared of death not anymore but he just wanted the pain to end. _

_ ‘I’m tired but I cannot rest.’ _

_ Frigga smoothed his hair over his head. ‘Why can't you rest, my dear.’ _

_ ‘I’m scared.’ _

_ Smoldering iron pressed into his skin. Anytime he felt like he could feel no pain worse than this he was mistaken. He spiraled down into the pits of fire. He tumbled down into his own mind, helpless to do anything about it. _

_ “Brother, why do you cry?” _

_ ‘I’m lost.’ _

_ ‘You’re not. You’re here.” _

_ He is just a wick on a candle. He’s just there to burn until there is nothing left. There is yelling as his heartbeat slows, he can feel the slow thump of it. Feel the pull of his soul outside his body. _

_ There is static electricity in his veins. There is a build-up of power, of fire and heat. _

_ He was never made to burn. _

_ The yelled quieted as he opens up his skin and breathed. But the air is stolen again. He lets out more of his power. He is so used to holding it all in, to shield himself from the pain of a burnout but what is more pain in the face of this? _

* * *

Frigga’s hand covered her mouth, it was the only thing holding back her panic. Her screams. Loki withered and shifted. 

He shifted from his Jotun form. Then to a snake. Then to a horse. Then a fish. Then an insect. Then to his Asgardian form. Then back his Jotun form. 

She knew shifting hurt and she couldn’t bear seeing the flashes of lighting thin tendrils of magic curl over his body as he changed form over and over again. One thing didn’t change over his heart the skin was a spider web of raised up charred skin.

* * *

_ He couldn’t keep this fire any longer. _

_ In a world where gold and ice twist together in symmetry deep inside Loki’s head, Thor asked, ‘If you can’t keep it all in. Let it out’. _

_ Loki’s fingers traced the edge of his throne. The pain was bottomless and he felt its breadth and width. ‘I don’t know if I can.’ _

_ ‘Breathe,’ Thor smiled sadly. ‘You always forget to breathe.’ _

_ Loki took a long breath and everything he kept deep inside him spilled out. _

* * *

There were limits with magic. Shifting form without any outside help is painful and draining of magic. There needs to be rest between any shifting and any more use of magic. Loki was going to burnout. 

Magic exploded out of him. It was dangerous to let go of your magic. To start to slip down into the well of your magic without caution. How magic works is like a well, you have to go a bit down the well to get the real power; your spells always start weak—weak sometimes is strong enough if you are highly skilled—if you don’t prepare in advance by burrowing deep in your powers to start to weave the more complex spells it may not be powerful enough. But there is an end to the well, once you pass the happy middle where the magic is the strongest you start to lose power quickly and eventually there is nothing left. A burnout will cause your body to go into overdrive and you need to sleep it all off with the help of herbs and tonics. But if you push too far you can die. 

In short, Frigga feared for her son. He sent out wave after wave of unchecked, raw power. Everyone was pushed back and out the door. Loki had always woven spells quickly, always has a gift for sinking deep into his power quickly. 

Now was no exception. There were no breaks between blasts of power. 

And to make things worse, Loki started to scream. 

* * *

_ ‘Brother, why do you scream?’ _

_ There was no stopping the waves of pure power that tore through Loki. He’d opened a gate into his power that he couldn’t close. But the pain stopped for a few moments before a different one took over. _

_ He breathed. Distantly he screamed but outside this world hardly mattered anymore. _

* * *

Thor watched as Odin cut through Loki’s spells and Frigga joined him. Loki had always been powerful but now seemingly without pain as a limit he glowed under his skin and his power ripped apart anything in the room. 

And the screams. Thor will never forget the screams Loki let out for however long he lives. It’s a terrible sound torn from Loki’s throat by whatever is doing this to him. 

And Thor knows, by both their many shared adventures and the new scars that mark his body, Loki’s pain tolerance is high. 

It must be the black webbing over his heart. What Thor felt about this Loki was complex, a tangled mess of fear, suspicion, relief, and everything in between. But Thor did know this was Loki, it didn’t matter what he’d been through deep down he was still Thor’s brother, blood be damned. 

He had to do something. 

Lightning ran over his skin. He needed to get that under control, he’d once singed an instructor and he knew he couldn’t be bursting with electricity. It was dangerous but his fingertips cracked with it again. 

Thunder rumbled outside.

* * *

_ The three beings that appeared to him came again. They watched him and when he tried to talk to them, they stood like statues and always answered with the same cryptic message. Three mouths speaking with one voice. _

_ “We are helping you.” _

_ Loki needed to regain in his control but it was like holding back an asteroid. All his ropes shattered and snapped. He couldn’t get himself in check. The burning cooled to ice inside his skin, splitting apart each nerve. _

_ It was so cold it burned. _

_ “Help me,” he cried out, the pain from his power overexerting itself wasn’t like fire. It wasn’t the cold either. It was being unmade, it was the thing that made you up—you’re soul, you’re essence whatever you want to call it—being pulled taut. Being drained. _

_ “We are not done with you, Loki Odinson.” _

_ He needed it to stop. It was lightning in his veins, and he couldn’t hold it in. Too much magic poured out of him. He was drowning, his lungs seized, he couldn’t see the light above the surface. He was a rock, slowly sinking down into the depths and abyss. _

* * *

_ ‘My child,’ Thanos’ fingertips brushed over his head. Loki panted on the ground, the Scepter on the ground. ‘I know your pain.’ _

_ Loki can hardly keep his mind straight. All his lies and secrets almost fall from his tongue. Seething rage he thought he was prepared for kept assaulting him. _“You understand nothing.” 

_ Thanos lowered himself to sit on the ground, far more poised than Loki’s slump. “Maybe so but I used to feel that rage, every second but I replaced with something else. Now every time I look upon the universe I see my plan slowly unfolding, I am not doing anything, I’m lying in wait.’ _

_ ‘Patience is a virtue,’ Loki gritted out. _

_ ‘Pain is one too,’ Thanos picked of the gilded Scepter. ‘Use all the pain and rage inside you to channel something worth having. It will take time but once you have what you want in your grip, it’ll all be worth it. Pain is needed to make sure you deserve what you get.’ _

_ ‘I don’t want to be hurt again,’ Loki felt almost drunk on this pain, loose-lipped but there was bliss in holding the Scepter, like returning to a twisted home. Still, pain twisted with pleasure. ‘I don’t want to be hurt again.’ _

_ ‘I take care of my own.’ _

_ Loki’s throat was scraped raw. ‘But you cannot stop this pain.’ _

_ ‘I wouldn’t if I could. You need it. The only way to make is sword is with fire and a hammer.’ _

* * *

_He’s a sword. No. He doesn’t use swords, he never liked them. He always preferred knives and daggers. They were murder weapons more than ones of war but Loki felt at home with them pressed against his palm. He was dagger being made. _

_Shoved into fire and molten lava, like the best weapons. Hit against an anvil to shape and mold. Scrapped against a sharpener. He’s had to believe that, that all this work, all this pain was for something. _

_To make his stronger. Faster. Smarter. To never let Thanos win again. To destroy everything Thanos has worked for. He been crafted to kill, to win. He’s tempered steel, an unbreakable weapon, a double-edged knife, the razor-sharp point of a knife honed to perfection for one task. _

_He’s been bent a million times. He’s been reshaped and hit again and again. He almost broke but he won’t. Not while Thanos looks upon the universe and sees victory. _

_Even as the pain grew and deepened, even as he lost control over his magic and drew closer to a burnout he repeated his story to himself._

_Once upon a time, a prince of two kingdoms, one of gold and one of ice, who hated and loved his family and kingdom, got a second chance. _

_He repeated his goal; _

_ Once upon a time, a prince of two kingdoms brought down a great foe, no matter the cost to him. _

* * *

_ Loki nursed his steaming cup of tea. Snow showered them. Fandral shoved his shoulder jolting him from his thoughts. Volstagg, Thor, Hogun, and Sif were arguing about something. _

_ ‘What?’ Loki asked, his eyes scanned his friends. They were camping out in Asgard’s forests, trying to find a mysterious monster and prove their valor to their parents. _

_ Fandral shrugged. ‘Do you think we’ll be remembered? That our descendants will tell our stories.’ _

_ Loki took a sip of his tea and watched the small fire burn and crackle. ‘I don’t know. Do you want them too?’ _

_ ‘Of course. You don’t.’ _

_ ‘History can paint a wrong picture, people can misremember and retell a story so many times it gets altered.’ Loki fed the fire more kindling. ‘I just don’t want to be remembered as someone I’m not.’ _

_ ‘Who cares, as long as Fradral the Brave is remembered.’ _

_ ‘Fandral the Brave?’ Thor chuckled, jumping into their conversation with ease. ‘That’s what you’re going with.’ _

_ ‘I think it fits.’ _

_ Loki’s fingers twitched, he pulled his magic from deep inside him out onto the world. Sparks ran over his fingertips under his skin. He wove a quick spell. _

_ The bushes rustled. Fandral shivered as a chill ran down his spine. Phantom claws dug into his neck and he screamed and reached back. Only to find nothing there. _

_ Everyone's eyes went to him. He couldn’t stop a smirk from crossing his face. _

_ The group, save for Fandral, burst in laughter. _

_ It was Thor who pat his shoulder, a semi-wild look in his eyes. ‘Loki the trickster, God of Mischief, has a nice ring to it.’ _

* * *

_ The training room was dim, it was late into the night and over half the candles had been extinguished. _

_ Why? _

_ Loki’s magic snuffed out another candle and Thor’s lightning ran over his body again. They’d both broken through a barrier in their powers recently and now they could hardly keep it all in check. _

_ Loki closed his eyes and centered himself, felt the ground under his feet, the faint pinetree scent in the air, the itch of his shirt against his skin, the burn of cut on his finger, the warmth of the fire. _

_ Lighting, blue-white and buzzing with electricity, exploded out of Thor, an umbrella of lighting hung over Thor. It flashed and fizzled out. _

_ Loki lost focus and since he unlocked his magic and started pulling at its threads that whole thing has unraveled and he can’t stop himself from reaching for it and using it. The rest of the candles are blown out. _

_ Lighting wound it’s self around Thor’s arms and legs, flickering and humming. Loki brought his magic into focus, closed his eyes and wound a spell. _

_ The lighting went dark, the electricity having no air to breathe in. Just as he killed the lighting Thor made more of it. _

_ There was danger in this, using too much power would lead to a burnout and you can’t do much with your powers going haywire. Their magic was growing as they went through their adolescence and almost in tandem and they had to reign it in. _

_ Loki extinguished Thor’s lighting and this time the lighting met his magic. Their powers danced together, both experimenting and exploring control. A swirl of green whisps for flair and many branches of lighting reaching like fingertips. _

_ Loki and Thor moved to the middle of the room and continued this dance of crackling power. Nothing touched either of them. _

_ Sweat pooled on Loki’s lower back, soaked his neck and arms. He had half a brain to stop and when he did he fell to the ground and a burst of magic poured out of him. _

_ ‘We’re getting better,’ Thor mirrored him. _

_ Loki couldn’t suppress a smile. ‘We are.’ _

* * *

Thor shouldered past Odina and Frigga. Thor raised his hand and his hammer hit his palm. He aimed his lighting at the waves of magic Loki was letting out. 

Odin and Frigga watched him as he and Loki’s powers remembered each other, twisting their dance. 

Thor remembered control and surrounded Loki in a wreath of lightning. His magic was weakening as he became drained. Blue blood leaked from every opening on his face.

* * *

The three beings were there again, floating around in his dreamworld. Loki fought back the shadows, the pain was lessening. And there was something familiar in the air. Something like home. 

It wasn’t easy but it was easier. He found the holds on his magic, the cheats. He pulled back his magic with a million strings. As fast as they tore he wove more and tucked all his magic back into his chest and deep into his heart. 

He distantly knew he was shaking, his body was wet with sweat and blood. But he stayed on the edge of wakefulness and sleep. Something held him back into his own mind. 

‘The Promised One,’ a voice said. It was low and high at the same time. ‘We will meet again.’

Loki was falling again, crashing down in the bed and fault lines split across his glass skin. The world snapped back into focus and he felt the blood on his face. His hand felt so heavy but he lifted it and touched his face, streaks of blood from his eyes and nose lined his face. He reached down his chin and neck and felt more blood from his ears and mouth. 

His skin didn’t feel right, his tendons were stretched, his muscles beaten, his bones hollowed out. The pain wasn’t gone. It was like many tiny knives stabbing him every second. The fire in his gut didn’t stop burning. 

He felt a nose drawn around his neck.

He gritted his teeth and opened his eyes.

Everything in the room was in disarray and Odin, Frigga, and Thor were standing in the room watching him with careful eyes. Outside the room the Warriors Three and Lady Sif watched him. 

Loki closed his eyes again. The pain wouldn’t stop and he doubted it ever would. “Yay, I didn’t die again.” 

“You stupid boy,” Frigga scolded but it was half-hearted at best. “This is no time for jokes.” 

Loki tried to summon some magic to put himself in more clothing but he was practically burnt out. He was trapped in his Jotun body as well. 

“What happened?” Odin asked. 

“Is that concern, Odin?” Loki couldn’t help but ask. “I must have entered an alternate reality.”

“What happened?” Odin repeated. 

His temper was being held by a string, his tongue sharpened by the pain. “How in the Norns would I know a damn thing? I was the one who this was happening too and where are my clothes.” 

“They were cut off you,” Figga said and with a wave of her hand, he was clothed in loose-fitting soft cotton. And a blanket around his shoulders. “Thor get the healer.” 

It was already so hot in here. He shrugged the blanket off and sat up, his body protested his every movement. The pain spiked but he breathed through it and didn’t let himself show any pain. And he lied through his teeth. 

“That happens sometimes,” he put his feet on the ground and gave himself a moment to just bear the pain. His gut twisted. “Never this bad it has happened. It must be a side effect of the time travel.” 

Thor stopped dead in his tracks. “What even happened?” 

“I already said I didn’t know,” Loki stood up, slightly unsteady but he kept his hands on the mattress. “All I know if my magic was going haywire and everything hurt for a little but it stopped.”

Frigga’s eyes were more than a little melancholy. “Did it stop? The pain.” 

“Yes,” Loki hauled himself towards the door. Praying to whoever listened to not let his body betray its pain. “I’m fine.” 

Frigga sighed and shared a look with Odin. “You keep so much inside.” 

Loki was so tense a muscle in his jaw jumped. “I don’t know any other way.” 

“You can let down your walls, your family is here.” 

Loki thought of Thor’s declarations during the council. They were broken family of broken people. “Forgive me but you’re all still ghosts in my eyes.”

“Get over it,” Frigga said, not unkindly. “You’ve been back here for over two years, we aren’t just going to vanish.” 

Loki spun around to face her, the room became distorted for a second. His head pounded. “You don’t know that, each second in this timeline could be my last. I don’t know what caused me to be sent back, I could just as easily be sent back.” 

“I won’t let that happen.” 

Loki’s hands curled into fists. All his anger had no place to go. All it could do was fester and crack his control. “You can’t do a damn thing.” 

Loki turned again and walked out of the room, preventing himself from staggering or falling by sheer willpower. 

He was so weak he couldn’t change back into his Asgardian form, he couldn’t set up the barest of wards or alerts. He collapsed once he closed his door. He crawled to his bed and pulled out a knife.

If someone came in… 

He dragged himself across the floor or his opulent room and made his way onto the balcony. He closed the doors behind him. If someone came in maybe they’d think he was out. If someone came in he could still have the jump on them.

Loki was so tired but he couldn’t sleep. He on the floor of the balcony, back to the wall but ears open, a knife clutched in his shaking hand for hours. 

His mind spun tales of horrors and couldn’t get what he’d seen out of his head. Best not to think about it. But it clawed at his mental walls and pushed and pulled. 

The door opened and Loki raised his knife. 

Thor stepped in looking in distressed in almost every way. He found Loki and sat down next to him. 

“You should be resting,” Thor’s eyes stayed on the knife. 

Loki shook his head. “I can’t.” 

“You’ve always been complicated, Loki,” Thor turned his head to look out on the view of his kingdom. “But I thought I at least knew who you were deep in your core.”

Loki laughed, bitter and cold. “Things change. People too.” 

“I noticed the change around my Coronation, I swear I did,” Thor ran a hand over his face. “I just thought it was because you didn’t like change. I never thought it would be something like this.”

“I was sending very mixed signals,” Loki dropped his knife. “I wanted everyone to know, I wanted everyone to see how hurt I was and I wanted no one to know anything.” 

“Do you think that in any timeline I could have fixed it?”

“Fixed what?” 

“You resenting me.” 

Loki’s hand wouldn’t stop shaking. “Maybe if Odin wasn’t such a shitty parent.” 

Thor looked very conflicted. “He had his reasons.” 

Loki pulled his knees close to his chest, his hand’s tremors slowed down.“He had what he thought was right, I’ve known enough men to know one thing; they will twist the facts to support their point. Once someone thinks their right, even if their wrong, it doesn’t matter what happens.” 

“I’ve seen minds changed,” Thor wouldn’t look at him and Loki didn’t blame him. “It can happen.” 

“It depends how strongly they think they’re right,” Loki rested his cheek on his knees. “I asked him, you know? I told him about the future and asked if would change how he raised me and said no.”

“I wonder if he regrets how he raised Hela?” 

“Considering she turned out to be an evil psycho too, who knows.” 

“When you were telling the council what happened you said that Father told us about Hela, said goodbye and ‘faded.’”

“Is there a question coming?” Loki tried not to move anymore, he felt like one of those bottles on Midgard that if you shake them they explode. 

“What exactly did he say?”

Loki thought about what to say for a moment. He could hurt Thor so much with a lie but maybe the truth is the harshest. “I had cast a spell on him but he broke free, I was expecting anger, yelling, something. But he just told me Frigga would have been proud. Then he said he failed us.” 

“Really?” 

“This is not the Odin you know, I don’t know if accepting death gave him a new outlook or the death of his wife. But Norns, it was good to hear. He went to talk about Hela then he told us we must face this new obstacle alone,” Loki had replayed the moment so many times it just all spilled out. “Then he said he loved us and to remember this place and then he just faded.”

All of this has hit Thor hard. Loki pitied him more than ever. “He didn’t suffer, right?” 

“Do you want him to have suffered?”

Thor always came the closest to understanding him, to keep up with the quick jabs. “Do you?” 

Loki pressed his forehead into his knees. He trembled, the pain wouldn’t ease. “No. Yes. I don’t know. I didn’t want him to have a painful death I just wanted him to suffer as I have, to face the consequences of his actions.” 

It was silent for a few minutes, the sky was starting to darken. Shadows cast over the golden kingdom living on borrowed time. “He didn’t suffer at all, it was almost peaceful.” 

Loki looked up and Thor was watching him again like he was trying to solve a puzzle. “I just want to understand you, Loki? We used to understand each other or was that an act?”

“Why do you care so much? Why does it matter what was real and what was fake, once you start pulling on that string you will wish you didn’t unravel it.”

“Is that a no or a yes?”

“It’s an_ I don’t know when I started acting around you _.” 

“I just want to understand you, Loki. You aren’t like my Loki. He was full of life, a little angry, a little hurt but so full of life it was impossible to miss. He was bright and smart and mischievous. And I knew him” 

Loki would kill to have that life back, back when his hate for Thor was petty more than anything, or even farther back when life was simple and he and Thor were equals—where they ever? “I’m not something for you to fix.” 

“I know, maybe the Loki I knew, the one I mourned, is still deep down inside you.”

That Loki would have died. Loki keeps him tucked close in his chest, wrapped in a cashmere blanket and innocence. So far inside Loki, he doesn’t think he’ll ever be able to reach him. “And if he isn’t?” 

“I refuse to believe he’s gone entirely. I can’t lose my brother again.” Thor shifted and moved closer to Loki. “I saw your scars, Loki, I know how someone gets scars like that. I believe you’re from the future and whatever intentions you have with your second chance hardly matters. You willingly went through that.” 

The scars stay with him in every form, the magic holds strong against everything—Loki once tried to get them removed in the lost timeline, it didn’t work. “I don’t need your pity.” 

“I do pity you, Loki,” Thor pushed himself to his feet. “I pity you because someone surrounded by people who love you, you close yourself off. You won’t accept a shred of sympathy or kindness and certainly won’t show any.” 

“I thought you wanted me dead. That you don’t believe I’m really here to help anyone but myself,” Loki uncurled himself. He felt so weak right now but a facade would have to hide it. 

“I don’t know what to believe!” Thor yelled, towering over Loki with far too much open hurt on his face. “But my trust can be earned back.” 

Loki tensed his whole body up and relaxed. He shoved himself up onto his feet, his hands gripped at the rail. Still a stark blue. _ I thought the world of you. _Loki’s silver tongue was lead. “I don’t care if you trust me or not.” 

“Really?” Thor was always smarter than he acted most of the time. “Or is it you care too much?” 

Loki said nothing. 

“Goodnight, Loki.” 

It was too quiet for Thor to hear but Loki whispered, “Goodnight, brother.” 


	3. Tremors

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warnings: depressive thoughts, alcoholism, and non-graphic sex.

Loki managed to shift back into his Asgardian form. His head spun, his body felt twisted and stretched. Something deep inside him was broken. He wasn’t naive enough to think it would fix itself. Telling someone felt impossible. How could he expose his weaknesses? 

He watched as night turned into day. Gold beams bathed Asgard. People woke up and got to work. Farmers started to tend to their crops, kids ran around chasing each other the mountains. Loki always loved his room’s view of Asgard. 

He was watching a snow globe world move. Harmony etched into each line. Dolls and figurines moved along miniature streets. Or maybe he was the figurine, not alive but carved and brought to life to serve a sentence in a world of malice.

To them, he was locked in the darkest, deepest, cells on Asgard. Odin told the masses he would be held until he died. There had been cheers. Asgard moved on, only the most trusted in the palace knew the truth. They would never know what he did to save them. 

Blissful ignorance. He craved such a thing. To not know. He resented them for it. They would never know what he gave up for them, the blood he paid for each second they lived and wasted. 

The pain sharpened his edges. He was cutting the world around him as razors sliced him up. The Convergence was almost here. Two days to go if he estimated correctly.

Loki forced himself to move every few hours, to get up and walk and it led him to the kitchens. He went deeper into the cellars and stole a bottle of wine. 

Loki forwent the glass and drank straight from the bottle. It wasn’t strong enough to truly dull the pain. To make him lose and languid, to get his brain to shut off for one goddamn second so doesn’t have to deal with the weight of the universe on his shoulders. Every choice doesn’t matter for a few moments. Loki pulled an old bottle of nameless content and drank some. 

It was on par with what Midgard called vodka. It felt like fire going down but Loki was almost used to burning. 

He’d always needed a poison, it’s easy to blame the Jotun blood in his veins, or Odin’s whispers in his head. But maybe there is just something wrong with him. Alcohol works to numb the thoughts and is a poison in its own right. 

He understands why people take blades to their wrists or even their hearts. It’s so easy to get caught in the darkness. It’s easier to hurt and hurt yourself because then at least you’re in control. And the pain eases when your mind is dull on your chosen poison. You don’t have to think. 

He just wanted to be freed from this pain, this prison. He couldn’t stop the wave of rage that crashed through him. He slammed the bottle into the wall. 

“I do believe you’re supposed to drink it. Not smash it,” Fandral appeared in the doorway, leaning against the wall.

“I do believe this is the royal family’s private kitchens,” Loki stared at the stain and shattered glass. 

“Please,” Fandral crossed his room, his swagger unchanged from when Loki last saw him. “I’m basically an honorary member of the family. Just like you.” 

It only stings a little bit. Loki roughly steals another bottle from the racks. “Quite the club we make. We wouldn’t be brothers that would be terribly scandalous.”

“You live for scandal, I’m sure you enjoy being the center of attention during this whole debacle.” 

Loki slipped back into old habits and threw the bottle of Fandral. He caught it with ease and took a long sip of it smacking his lips when he finished. 

“It has its benefits,” Loki snatched the bottle out of the air after Fandral threw it back. “I guess everything does.” 

“Don’t get philosophically deep with me,” Fandral moved closer, close enough Loki could smell the soap on his skin. “I have not the temperament for such ridiculous thoughts as yours.” 

Loki drank more, his brain was getting to that delightful fuzziness when the world melts away and all is left is an odd quiet. “I am done thinking. I’ll live like you, thoughtlessly walking about.” 

“Indulging in all kinds of debauchery,” Fandral continued, holding his hand out for the bottle. “I wish to be like the Midgardians, they’re so weak but they get drunk so fast, so easily.” 

“We have build-up quite the tolerance,” Loki handed the bottle over. The brick dug into his back and lightning-bolt pain over his body remained. But it was distant. “I pity the King and out elders, it must take so much drinking for them to feel like this.” 

Loki let the tension out of his shoulders and jaw. The lull of booze made time feel weird, drawn-out, like everything was underwater. Loki took the bottle back from Fandral and his hand seized, it shook uncontrollably and the bottle clattered on the ground.

Loki’s hand felt like it was wrought of glass, or ice, cracking and freezing at the same time. He covered his shaking hand with the still one. He squeezed it lightly as the shaking stopped. 

Fandral watched him with a mask of indifference. “Is that why you need alcohol?”

Loki flexed his hand, feeling regained enough for him to feel the pain in his hands. He told himself he’d get used to this pain. Over and over again. Maybe one time he’ll believe it. 

“That and so many other reasons.” 

Fandral got another bottle, two more bottles actually. He stepped over the mess on the floor and gave Loki one. He posed like a host at a party, arms raised to the invisible guests, swaying to imaginary music, bottle in hand. “To the end of times.” 

Loki clicked the bottles together and used an ounce of magic to open them. “To the end of times.” 

They drank in silence for a few moments, Loki could hear the voices in his head too loud. He could hear screaming and crying. His mind spun a song Loki felt echoed in the empty space. He drank more until his feet grew unsteady and Fandral was going on about something Loki could hardly keep up with. 

He and Fandral have fucked many times over the centuries so maybe that’s why Loki let himself look. Fandral shirt and vest had come unbuttoned and his head was thrown back to expose the lines of his throat. 

Loki was moving without a second thought. He headed for the door. Fandral looked over at him, questions in his dilated pupils. “Leaving so soon.” 

Loki unclasped the first few buttons of his outfit. “Do you want to have sex?” It’s always been so simple during encounters like this. An exchange, almost business-like. A body for a body. No strings and no feelings. Clear rules that they’ve upheld for years. “Or am I too much of a monster for your licking.” 

“You know how I like to play,” Fandral pushed himself up to his feet. “I love to tame monsters.” 

“Is that a yes or a no?” Loki turned away from him undoing more of his clothing. 

Fandral pushed him against the wall, an arm across his neck. Warm breath on Loki’s skin. “What do you think?” 

Loki wiggled against his hold and Fandral held true. Good. Loki didn’t answer, he just stole a kiss on Fandral’s lips, there was nothing nice about it. Nothing loving. Just bodies pressed close together trying to chase away the cold. 

They stumbled into Loki’s bedroom, clothing undone greedy hands and mouths trying to please themselves on the expense of exposed skin. Loki would normally snap his fingers to divest them of any lingering clothing but he couldn’t focus enough. 

Fandral did it the old fashioned way and Loki repaid the favor. He didn’t say anything about the spiderweb of black markings on his chest. He held Loki’s wrists down hard enough to bruise. He nipped against Loki’s thighs for long enough to turn the skin red. Loki gave him the fight he loved, he bit at Fandral’s throat and tore at his hold. Fandral never liked his bedmates to be passive. 

He liked them to react and Loki did. As they went on all he could think of was his own desire, pain shadowed him but the alcohol worked enough that Loki could almost enjoy himself. 

Loki bit back all his noises, blood ebbed on his tongue and down his lip. Fandral licked it away without comment. He was unwound, loose instead of tightly curled in on himself. Numb in a way he’s been craving for such a long time. 

After suffocating for so long Loki can breathe. 

* * *

He’s a mess. Left with wetness between him of oil and come. “Clean the sheets up, will you?” Fandral asked, shifting and rolling onto his side. 

Loki focused, reached deep inside himself to feel the edges of his power. He tried to shape it but every time he got close it collapsed like a tower of cards.

“Give me a damn moment,” he managed, through gritted teeth. 

Fandral groaned and moved farther from the mess. Loki spent far too long on cleaning up but eventually it was done. He hauled himself into his bathroom and took care of himself. 

He caught his reflection in the mirror, the stain of blood on his face was stark against the paleness of his skin, so colorless it was almost grey. He looked like a ghost. The hollow cheeks and dark circles didn’t help.

He missed Midgradian plumbing, he wanted to stand under one of their opulent showers under the strong spay of heated water. He wiped the blood off his face with a rag soaked in room-temperature water. Too lazy to heat it up. 

He knelt over the large tub and pressed his forehead to the cool marble of the bathtub. His magic is buried deep inside him for good reason, the pain is draining but it caused his magic to be unsteady, hard to shape and control. He doesn’t try to control it and just let it rip out from him. 

The glass shattered and Loki withered. Blood leaked from his eyes and nose. He reigned it in, struggling each second to close the gates and trap it. Until next time of course. Until it’s pounding to escape break him. Until the need to release it is a fire of its own. 

Loki threw up the contents of his stomach into the polished tub. So much for a night of pleasure. 

* * *

He eventually cleaned himself up after a few hours and laid down in his bed. Just as he settled in, almost calm but ready to rest the door opened. 

Odin, dressed for his job as the King waltzed into Loki’s bedroom like some kind of privacy defying parent. Fandral, stupid with booze, shot up, rubbing his eyes. 

Odin’s eyes narrowed and realization crossed his face. He shook his head and Loki didn’t know if he was the one in the wrong or Fandral. Knowing Odin probably him. 

“Fandral if you would give us a moment,” Odin turned his back, his hand over his eyes for good measure. 

Fandral was moving so quickly he was basically a blur as he pulled on his undershorts and pants and rushing out the door, leaving his shoes, socks, and shirt on Loki’s floor. The door slammed shut but Odin didn’t turn back to Loki. 

To the elders, one’s preferences in Asgard don’t matter that much, but marriage is between man and woman with a long professional courting process and one keeps what one does in private a secret. The younger generation is commonly called whores because they exchange touch and sex freely all the time, not much more different from the older generation before them but they have the audacity to speak of it in public and with little shame. 

He remembers in the Hawks memories there was something called Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell. Maybe Asgard and Midgard aren’t that different. 

Loki never talked much about his preferences. “What do you want?” Loki asked, wishing he’d put on clothing. 

“Did you ever tell me anything that mattered?” Odin sounded like he was talking more to himself than Loki. 

“It’s none of your concern.” 

“It’s a part of your identity, Loki, that you must have figured out long ago. And still, you didn’t feel comfortable enough to trust me or your mother.” 

“I didn’t want to make a big production of it. Now, what did you want?” 

Odin sighed and turned around. “I had another dream.” 

Loki flopped back on the pillows. “Oh, here I thought it was something important, prophecies are mostly nonsense and are meant to be vague and self-fulfilling.” 

Odin mumbled something under his breath. “There were three women and they said they spoke with you already.” 

Loki pushed himself up on his elbows. “Go on.” 

“What did they tell you?” Odin perched on the edge of the bed. “What did they show you. They promised me answers.”

“What did you see beyond them, start from the beginning?” Loki had a bad feeling about this. Nothing new but still. 

“It started with everyone turning to dust. But it went on. There was a gauntlet but not gold. It was red. Everything went white then black and three women were standing in my throne room. They all spoke with one voice and told me I_ have paid a price and I will pay one again, like my son. _ They said, ‘ _ We warned the Promised One, so now we must warn the Giver to keep balance. We will meet again, soon. But be warned.’ _

“Everything went white and there was an outburst of red ice destroying a black mass and then I saw you, your face and neck covered in blook but nothing else. Then I woke up.” 

“Ominous,” Loki deadpanned. “When I was having my,” Loki hesitated, thinking of the right word. “Episode the other day they visited me. Told me they were helping me, warned me and said I would have to pay a high price. They all called me the Promised One and ended with _ we’ll meet again. _" 

One part of what they said stood out so much Loki felt it’s presence like a weight in his mind. 

_ “We’ve done all we can, Promised One, you must play this game. You must pay the price.” _

_ “I’m not going to live through this; that’s the price?” _

_ “More than you know.” _

“The Promised One,” Odin echoed. “Promised what?” 

“My life,” Loki guessed. His best guess. The only guess. “I’m not exactly sure but this price they talk about, it’s my life. It has to be.”

Odin got that look on his face that meant he was thinking hard about nothing. “Next time they visit you tell me.” 

Loki closed his eyes. “Sure.”

“Loki!” Odin’s voice dropped to a deadly whisper. “This is not a game.” 

Loki nodded. “My apologies, Your Majesty.” 

“Must you always be so difficult. I have to pry out every detail.”

“I want to blame my genetics but I do believe your _ amazing _parenting caused me to be a liar,” Loki drawled. “You don’t have the right to call me a liar, you act as though your hands are clean when I know them to be dripping in red.” 

“You dare speak to me in that tone,” Odin drew himself to his feet and up to his full height. “I am not your equal. I am not beneath you. Do not mistake me some powerless old man.” 

Loki couldn’t control his magic as it burst from under his skin. The lights went out and Odin was pushed back against the wall. Loki made himself a dam and tried to hold back the sea. How do you take the ocean out of your veins? 

Loki retook the energy from the air and shoved it back in his skin, the pain made him shake as he forced it down and got a handle on his emotions and magic. It was a small slip but Loki couldn’t afford another one. 

Odin regained his composure. “Loki,” he said slowly. “Do you want to tell me something.” 

Loki clenched his jaw and said nothing. 

_ “No?” _ Odin shook his head. “You look terrible Loki. What were you even doing? We’re trying to save the universe and you’re having mindless sex.” 

“I have been focused on nothing but saving people for almost three years,” Loki reached and snatched his robe from its hook. He secured it and stood up. “Can’t I let loose a little bit.” 

Odin gestured around them, encompassing the darkroom with one sweep of his arm. Mainly the lack of lighting from his mini outburst. “This is what happens when you lose control and I don’t know if you’re stable enough up here,” Odin touched his brow. “For this.” 

Loki laughed. Dry and brittle and uncaring. He already knew.

“I can smell the alcohol on your breath,” Odin was almost sneering at him. High on his fit on self-righteous rage. 

“The creepy dream visitors told me I had to be the one to pay this price, to play this game,” Loki grabbed his knife from under the pillow. Like he would go anywhere without it. “If you won’t leave I will.”

Just as he crossed the floor his hand locked open and shook. The knife hit the ground and pain shot through his hand. 

Odin crouched down and picked up the knife, he examined it. Loki clasped his hands together. The left one still shaking as he closed it in a fist. 

Odin pocketed the knife and wrenched Loki’s hand apart. He ran his fingers over Loki’s knuckles and veins. “Does it hurt.” 

Almost everything hurts. “Not at the moment.”

Odin messed with Loki’s fingers and even turned his hand over like he was some kind of palm reader. “Get dressed, Loki. I’ll take you to your mother.”

Loki was so tired he didn’t know if a fight would be worth it. “Tomorrow please,” Loki hated how weak his voice sounded. “I’m tired.” 

“You can’t put it off forever, let her examine you.”

Loki shook his head. “She’ll get a Healer. I will not become some exhibit for people to gawk at.” 

“She won’t.”

“Because you’re known for your truth-telling.” 

Odin didn’t relent. “I’m not leaving.” 

Loki wasn’t either. “Then you can watch me sleep.”

Loki laid in his silken robe under his heavy covers for hours to spite Odin. He’s done worse things. Odin sat down in a chair and said and did nothing until Loki decided the hour was close enough to be considered morning. 

He changed in the bathroom and paused to pick up a chunk of the broken mirror. He studied his face, his eyes weren’t just bloodshot, the vessels must have broken and the corners of both his eyes were red. He pressed his shaking fingers to his eyes, he concentrated, he couldn’t slip again. Slowly he weaved a quick illusion spell. It was so weak it shattered.

Loki drew on more of his power, it poured out of him, knocking the glass back and spaying and small specks high into the air. They rained down on him. 

He knelt down and bowed his head down to rest on a floor. There was blood on his teeth. Fuck his appearance. He met Odin in the hall. Odin gave his eyes a glance and shook his head. “After you,” he nodded down the vast hall. 

Loki dug his nails into his palm. His legs hurt and so did his arm but it was more of a permanent soreness compared to the shooting pain in his torso. He walked down the hall in what he hoped was a normal way. 

Frigga was in her doorway, her arms crossed and face devoid of emotion. “Get inside,” she hissed. She gave him a once over and tilted his chin down as he passed. He met her eyes. “Norns, shield my son, wrap in your embrace and don’t let him fall,” she prayed. 

She touched his eyes and he felt the telltale signs of her basic healing power take effect, it was a tingling sensation, warm and comforting. But the pain didn’t go away and the broken vessels in his eyes would just break again, just like the tremors. 

Frigga continued to case him out with her magic but stopped after only a moment. Her hand covered her mouth and he could see her holding back a gag. “Loki,” she whispered. 

Loki felt self-conscious in a strange way. He was vulnerable and they would… 

He forced himself to breathe, it was going to happen anyway, at least now he has some semblance of control. “What.” 

“There is no physical problem besides the eyes but the cause of that is invisible,” she took his hand and plowed through. “Everyone is made of aetheric energy it connects us to the energy that makes up everything. Normal aetheric energy has a bluish tint to when looked at with scanning magic but yours,” she held up her hands and the light shifted to form an image of his silhouette. The blue will-o’-the-wisp mist turned black the patchy, like someone tore holes in it and ran a scythe through it. “Looks like that.” 

“It’s his soul,” Odin crept forward, closer to the projected image. 

“Basically,” Frigga waved her hand the image dropped. “It’s natural for aetheric energy to die and be reborn, the process slows as you age weakening you, but yours I can feel it being drawn out, slowly but not slow enough for your soul to recover.” 

“But slow enough to keep me alive,” Loki brushed the imaginary dust off his pants as he stood. “Good. Now soul damage explains why I’m so hungry, I need breakfast,” Loki held back a flinch as Odin grabbed his forearm. “Excuse me.”

It was Frigga who spoke. “You need to keep healthy to help your body replenish your aetheric energy as quickly as possible, rest is good as well. Don’t go getting into fights or exerting yourself in any way.”

“Or having sex,” Odin added. 

Loki rolled his eyes. He should tell them his magic is unsteady, unpredictable, and hard to control but one thing at a time. 

“You were having sex?” Frigga asked. 

Loki drew out of Odin’s grip and left the room without a word. Thor was standing right outside the now-closed door. “Loki,” he said, stiff and unnatural like they were bad actors reading poorly written lines. 

“Thor,” Loki tried to sound civil but had no clue whether or not he succeeded. “What are you doing?” Now that he looked Thor was disheveled and out of breath. 

“Heimdall sent word that he can’t see Jane anymore,” Thor struggled to catch his breath. “I ran all the way here because Father said to tell him when that happened so I have to get him so we can go help Jane. If you’re telling the truth…” 

“Then things are about to get much worse,” Loki finished for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: in Norse myths, everything is gay and crazy and wonderful and weird but I’m going with the modified MCU/Marvel version that is less wild and crazy. 


	4. Scared of The Light

Loki didn’t hate Dr. Jane Foster, he didn’t like her either. He respected her and that would have to be enough. Thor, with Odin’s permission and guidance, stole her away from the human world and took her to Asgard. 

The Doctor walked down the golden halls in her mundane outfit looking very far out of place. “We know what it is, we can rid you of this.” 

Dr. Foster didn’t even look at Thor, instead choosing to turn to Frigga. “Can you get rid of it.” 

“Transference by any other hand but Malakieth’s will kill you, only he knows how to control it,” Frigga smiled sadly. 

Jane nodded and her eyes met his, realization warped her expressive face. “You,” she hissed. “You tried to attack New York and Asgard, Thor told me about you.” 

Loki stepped back, he raised his hands. “I mean you no harm.” 

Odin snapped his fingers and chains wound around his wrists. “Does that make you feel better, Miss.” 

“It’s Doctor,” Jane corrected smoothly only realizing she smart-assed a king a moment later. She didn’t apologize but still pressed her lips shut and nodded.

“It certainly makes him feel better,” Loki said, he shook his wrists. The chain wasn’t just for show, it blocked his magic and movement. He should have been able to feel Odin opening the pocket dimension he stored his goodies in and stop the magic from binding him. But his magic is still off and his magic-sensitivity even more so. Oh, not to mention the constant pain he is in that makes it a struggle to stay upright and focus.

Odin didn’t dignify that with a response. “We have a plan,  _ Doctor.”  _

“Great,” she must be aware of the sass in her tone. “Thor caught me up on that part, bad guy aliens want the thing inside me.” 

“He left out a few details, our how do you say it,  _ ace in the sleeve?” _

“Ace in the hole, Your Majesty,” Dr. Foster said.“What’s your ace,” she looked around as if she would be able to know it when she saw it. “Is it the massive walls that look like nothing could get past them.” 

“Time travel,” Thor deadpanned. “I forgot to tell you but Loki is from the future.” 

She narrowed her eyes at him and without hesitating, slapped him across the face. “I’ve been waiting to do that, because he’s lying time travel is impossible, what—” her rushed words collapsed into a choked sound. Her hand was frozen against his face as a wave of red poured out from her skin. 

It was red and withering as it seeped through Loki skin and he expected it to hurt but it didn’t. It must fall into the missing parts of him, into his torn soul, vibrating with power and it’s magic soothed over Loki’s. It smoothed out the rough edges but the pain still lingered, but only a small bit. His magic flexed deep within him.

It felt so good but he wasn’t dumb enough to think that even his messed up soul could sustain the Aether for long. It can’t survive inside a host for long, it calls aways for its master and even if Malekith was taken off the board the relief is temporary, it’s only a matter of time before it starts to destroy him.

“What the Hell,” Jane cursed. “I didn’t do anything.

Loki blinked and the world came back into focus. The palace was tinted red for a moment, blood poured over the golden walls and black bloomed in the corner, like ink blots on a painting. 

Loki closed his eyes and when he opened then the colors were reset. Blood was still there but it was dripping from Jane’s hand, a nasty gash cut through her palm. Blood stained Loki’s chin and dripped down onto the polished floor. 

Loki slowly, as if moving through water or molasses, wiped the blood from his face. The magic was almost overbearing on his body. He closed his eyes and red whisps exited from his fingertips, leaving behind small cuts, he guided the red magic to the cuffs and broke them with ease but the ease faded as he struggled to control the magic and it turned to smoke. It wasn’t like his, that didn’t listen to him and was unstable but it was like learning magic again. It took a lot of concentration to manage, to draw out the power and guide it. It was a different type of power and needed to be learned. Even if it hurts to use.

He was used to pain so his fingers hardly hurt him. Jane curled her hand to her chest and Loki finally noticed they were both crouched down, blood was wet on his face, under his nose and ears. Not Jane’s for sure. 

He looked down and saw wisps of the magic curled around his body, like Thor’s lighting had wound around him like vines and branches. It sparked out of him and ran over his body like electricity. 

Loki tried to pull it all in but he couldn’t stop the curl of magic. His own power was smoothed over but he could feel it festering, not so unstable but not like before at all. 

And then the catch hit him, his ears rang. A siren song far away, it sounded like screaming and screeching tires. He released some magic out from the cuts in his fingers, seamlessly going through skin without damage this time as he learned how to use this kind of magic. The song got louder, red surrounded him embers of red falling to the ground, the strands spinning around him like they are chasing something. 

Loki stumbled back and into the swirl. 

Everything was dark, the shadows moved and twisted. A single red strand of power danced around him.

Malakeith snapped into the plane of existence. His usual white skin ashen and grey. His eyes looked lightless.  _ “M _ _ öara âra hearla.” _

Lok backed up into a wall of shadows. He kept his mouth shut. The Elven language sounded like a snarl, a curse in every syllable. 

Malakeith tilted his head and moved closer.  _ “Kalg yurbonì, möara âra hearla.” _

Loki turned his had as Malakeith’s fingers grazed his jaw. Shadows whipped around them. The dead eyes bore into his. _ “Cartavan numor espia.”  _

Loki’s body was frozen, this dreamscape was controlled by Malakeith. “I don’t know what you are saying.” 

Malakeith’s head tilted as Loki spoke. “I have plans for you, Promised One. I will find you.” 

“Promised One?” Loki fought against the shadows that tied him. This part of the plan was supposed to be easy. A small middle phase that ended quickly with little consequence. “Why do you call me that.” 

“ _ Möara âra hearla  _ means so much more than Promised One in my tongue. You will understand soon.  _ Möara âra hearla, Ryi f _ _ élia kuraguin.”  _

Loki shook his head, not understanding. Maybe he should get used to this. “What do you want with me?” 

“The—kur—gift is in you. I can feel it.” 

“That’s not answering the question.” 

_ “Duralin, jurera-eio-urdo,”  _ Malakeith traced Loki’s jaw with his cold finger. “I will guide you. You will know what it’s time for the _ r _ _ âru styhverin.”  _

The shadows swallowed him. It was stepping into a world of eternal darkness. The only noise was the ringing in his ears. The siren song turned beautiful here. A chorus of angelic voices. Their voices like sweetly ringing bells. Higher and higher. 

The darkness curled around him like an old friend. And the singing wasn’t just notes, it was words in that dark and twisted language made holy and sacred by the voices carrying the words. 

He couldn’t make out any of the words but he knew they meant something. The dense shadows pulsed. He felt then breathing against his skin. He was suddenly very aware of what was happening.

The chorus turned to broken words in the Dark Tongue. The sneering hiss of cracking and screaming all braided together. His head fell back, his hands were free to cover his ears. 

The song faded and he eased the Aether through his skin without bloodshed but the song grew louder. Loud enough that he pulled at his hair until the shadows fell away and the black melted like wax. 

The world under the gilded shadows was his own. The decadence of the golden halls of Asgard came into view before a blinding white light tore all the color from the paintings in his mind.

* * *

He woke up on the cold floor, not remembering falling asleep. “Is this normal here?” Dr. Foster asked. 

“No,” Loki opened his eyes, his used his thumb to get the blood off his lip. “This is weird even for me.” 

“Yeah, Mr. Time Traveler,” she scoffed and he saw her blurry person shake its head. “But if an ancient king and my ex-boyfriend believe you I can give you the benefit of the doubt for now.”

“Ex?” Thor asked. 

Loki pushed himself to his feet. “We don’t have time to deal with your relationship drama, Thor.” 

Odin and Frigga pulled themselves up fully, their hands intertwined. “There was a blast of red then you were passed out on the ground.” 

His head was still ringing but nothing like before. “Great.” 

“Time travel side effects?” Jane guessed. 

“Considering what just happened,” Loki thought of the dreamscape. “You may be onto something.” 

* * *

“Souls exist,” Dr. Foster said, her hand wrapped around a steaming mug. She hadn’t taken a sip, he didn’t know if it was because she was so focused or in a strange new world and was suspicious but it was still a good idea. 

“We all have energy in us that is connected to the greater world, that is all we mean by it,” Frigga said, ignoring Odin’s look. 

“Okay,” Jane nodded and stood up. “So let’s assume the time travel tore up your soul, energy cannot be destroyed—” 

“Wait I’m sorry,” Odin cut in not sounding sorry at all. “Energy can be destroyed, I’ve seen it happen.”

“Energy, which magic is a form of, can not be destroyed, it can change form though. It’s simple recycled back into the cosmic balance.” 

Odin stood up, he drew his chin up and looked every much the king of legend Jane thought him to be. “I have seen energy destroyed. What is your proof.” 

“Magic is energy and it behaves differently than electricity and any other forms of energy I’ve ever seen,’ Jane fumbled for her words a bit. “My theory is as good as yours, beyond what you saw you have nothing but if I’m might I have an answer for all of this.”

“Continue, Doctor.” 

“Okay, so when Loki time traveled he tipped the cosmic scales, doing anything requires energy,” she gestured to nothing. “So what powered that? God, I need a whiteboard.” 

Loki hadn’t thought of it like that. Souls power magic unless you have a talisman to take power from. That’s why time is needed after using a lot of magic. “My soul.” 

“But the pain just started a few days ago, why the time gap, it should have started hurting the minute you went back in time, if what the Queen said about souls is correct.” 

Loki thought back to the moment he died, Thanos hadn’t used the Stones, he chose to use his fist but the Infinity Stones are wild and Loki’s magic may have created some chain effect. 

“The Magic Space Rocks did this,” she continued. “”They started the engine and were the gas for a little bit but now that burden falls to you. I have a feeling that each second time is being held back, so instead of jumping back in time, you rewound it and need to keep it from jumping back to the present.” 

Loki had been thinking something like that. “How does this explain the Aether?”

“I’m getting there, I promise.”

“Get there faster,” Odin waved a dismissive hand at her, not bothering to even mask his disdain for mortals. “I have a kingdom to run.” 

Jane, to her credit just grit her teeth and went on. “So what if the Aether is constantly ‘making’ energy, not creating it because energy can’t be destroyed or created, but producing it by combining atoms and giving off unstable bursts of energy, like nuclear fusion. But it’s unstable.

“Even if it bonds with a very powerful person, like Malekeith it’s still unstable. Maybe it’s only stable around other Infinity Stones. But I don’t have any proof for that beyond a hunch. So what if the reason Malekeith is so interested in Loki is because he didn’t just take the Aether in, he bonded with it on a molecular level since his soul is damaged. Now if this is a long term thing is to be seen.” 

“It’s probably not,” Odin cut in. “The Aether will destroy is soul.” 

“It might,” Jane nodded and turned her gaze to the floor. “I, um, have an idea.”

“We had a plan,” Odin said. And he’s right, Loki had to plan to stop Malekeith before things escalated because he knew his plan. But Malekeith knows about Aether, he has a connection to the Aether and thought that Loki.

“That entire plan was based on knowing his play,” Loki said. “He knows the Aether is bound to me. Things are going to change.” 

“Dammit,” Thor mumbled. “You said this was the easy part of your grand plan.” 

Loki held his hands up and took a step back. “Things change, brother.”

Thor wasn’t looking at him anymore, his eyes were glued to Frigga. He looked back at Loki, his point clear. Loki closed his eyes and nodded. 

“Your plan, Doctor Foster,” Loki prompted even though he had the beginnings of a plan forming. 

“So we set a trap, like the one you set and in lost timeline you guys told be about.But to end the whole battle.” 

Loki nodded. “I was thinking the same thing.” 

* * *

The plan was being formed but Loki couldn’t focus. It was like all the sound was drawn out of the room. Lips moved, but Loki couldn’t pay attention. 

A nagging bird cried in his head. Loki got up without comment and he moved as if his joints were rusted, his back was drenched in sweat, he felt the beads on his face. He made his way to the doors and slipped out. He felt phantom shadows curl around him, they were deep in his bones. 

Sweat covered his aching limbs. But even with the slow movements he felt a fragile high. He could climb mountains and jump off, he could survive and that thought was terrifying. 

He made it to a balcony overlooking the sprawl of Asgard. He closed his eyes and behind his eyelids the dreamscape waited for him. It was empty but he felt the presence of darkness. 

When he opened his eyes Thor stood beside him, his hands wrapped around the ivory rail too tightly, but Loki was white-knucling the rail as well, so who was he to judge.

“You don’t look well, Loki,” Thor said calmly but it felt like a smoke screen. 

“I feel strangely,” Loki tried to put into words how it felt to feel truly invinsible while your soul is slowly breaking, how it feels to not feel the constant pain but still know deep down your soul is still being spent like copper. The Aether is like a bandage over his wounds, like a pack of ice but it is no cure. The energy the Aether is letting out must help his soul recover from the drain but Norns, he still felt it in his bones. He felt the drain of the Aether like an endless deep hunger.

“A good strange or a bad strange?” 

Loki closed his eyes. “Both,” Loki wanted to pull his hair out but he stilled his hands. “I don’t know what I’m fighting for” 

“For our people,” Thor said simply, because for him, it is. “Because we can save lives and the responsibility falls on our shoulders.” 

“That’s not why I started this, I fought for the dead, to avenge their memory, I guess even my own. I wanted Thanos to suffer as I have. No matter the cost.”

“Is the cost to great?” 

“I don’t know, I never, I didn’t, when I planned this out from the start my survival didn’t matter so long as Thanos was dead.” 

“So maybe dying isn’t the problem,” Thor was smarting than he let on. “It’s surviving.” 

“With the Aether, maybe I can control it and my death sentence, maybe I can heal it if I lean to use it,’ Loki shook his head. “I’ve been in the shadows for so long I don’t know the light anymore. I don’t know how to fight like this.”

“You never liked the unknown,” Thor said. “Life is unknown, we can’t plan for everything.” 

Loki gritted his teeth. “I know but I have no idea what to do if we actually win. The possibility feels real now.” 

Thor shrugged. “You don’t look well, I think you need some food. Come with me.” 

Loki collected himself and followed. 

Heimdall was past judging for even asking them where they go so when he and Thor rode up to his observatory, a random bag in his hand, and beamed down to Midgard there was little talking. 

They landed in New York. Behind tall brick buildings and under a dark sky but New York never slept and people, some dressed in neon and spandex, walked along the streets. Loki slowly tried to use his magic to change but Thor shoved a bag into his hands.

Loki rolled his eyes but was thankful last time he used his magic things ended up badly. He and Thor moved into a more private alley and changed quickly. He and Thor were brothers, he’s seen Thor naked a million times and didn’t care but he did care if someone were to see him and quickly, and strategically changed. 

Thor had picked out his most normal looking clothing, pants and a sweater. “How did you know I was going to come with you?” Loki balled up his clothing, Thor picked up the bag on the way out. 

“I just had a feeling you could use some time out of the palace,” Thor took the bag and slung it over his shoulder. “Let’s go.” 

Loki followed in silence, his body still getting used to his strange parasite. It didn’t hurt like knives in his gut but more of a too tired to sleep feeling. Thor stopped in front of Christie’s Dinner on a corner in what Loki was almost sure was Queens. 

“I go back to Midgard sometimes. For the food,” Thor explained and opened the door. 

The diner was small, only one room, with faded red booths and white flooring, it had a kitchen in view in front of a low bar with stools. 

Thor led him back to a booth. They got their menus from a blonde woman with a wide smile. Loki stared at the menu, not knowing what to talk about it. 

“What’s the worst thing that could happen if you survive this?” Thor asked. 

“I end up in another cage,” Loki acted like the menu was the most interesting thing in the world. “That the pain never stops. That I’m always a monster. I’ve been in the extreme of life for so long I don’t know what normal is like.”

Thor nodded. “And the best?” 

It wasn’t that hard to open up to Thor because like it or not, Thor was his rock for centuries. This was a game they’d play all the time. “I can rest but I feel like if I stop moving I’ll just—I’ll just fall apart.” 

Thor took a deep breath. “The worst for me is that this is all an elaborate plan for you to betray us, I don’t want to lose you again. Even this version. Jane could die in the cross-fire, Mother could too.” 

“The best?” 

“Victory against the Elves and Thanos.” 

The waitress came back to their table and asked for their orders. Thor ordered something, Loki still could hardly focus so he just asked for the same. 

“It’s not that I want to die,” Loki didn’t want Thor to think of him like that. “I just wouldn’t mind dying, it feels easier.” 

“It is.” 

Loki looked up, meeting Thor’s eyes. “When did you get so wise.” 

“I’ve learned things but I have one thing you don’t. Faith.” 

“Here we go.” 

“Fate, The Norns, The Gods, call it what you will but something has kept me alive this whole time. I’ve faced so many enemies who wanted me dead, I must be alive for some reason. Fate wills it so.” 

“I’m fresh out of faith.”

“Maybe the market is still open, I hear it’s on sale.” 

Loki couldn’t help the chuckle and Thor mirrored him. 

* * *

The milkshake was sweet on Loki’s tongue and freezing. Loki pulled back from the straw and lowered the plastic cup holding the frozen drink. “I don’t want to go back,” Loki said. “This is nice.” 

“This is what life could be, it’s nice to remember what you’re fighting for,” Thor slurped his shake. 

It wasn’t just the food but the brotherhood he found in Thor, he still felt weird, he still feared the future. He didn’t have faith, he had hope, because no matter how small his hope is, it still is there.

“It is,” Loki watched the New Yorkers mingle around, rushing and honking in their cars. “The light isn’t so bad.” 

“You never liked change, either. Did you like anything?” 

Loki laughed dryly. “Funny,” he deadpanned. “Maybe you should start looking for a better sense of humor.”

“Only if you do.” 

* * *

Loki tugged the covers up to his chin with childlike thoughts of protection. He closed his eyes and let sleep take but it wasn’t only sleep in search of his mind. 

The world was dark, he was in the dreamscape again. The plan had been broken into simple steps. 1) bait Malekith. 2) meet him away from civilization. 3) use the Aether against him.

Step one had a few substeps but it was the gist, one of the substeps was to get information on the plan and fake a betrayal/prison riot. 

The prison cell Loki rested it was gone in favor of shadows as Loki gave into the siren song. 

“You called,” Loki sauntered on the obsidian floor. Malekith’s back was too him. “I answered.” 

“You took your time,” Malekith said. “What has kept you from your calling. Fate, as you say, has a plan for us.” 

“Here we go with Fate again,” Loki rolled his eyes, hiding his reaction as Malekith turned to him, the empty eyes were unnerving. “I was sentenced today, officially. For the rest of my life. Daddy dearest has no mercy his own kidnapped child.” 

“Are you the kidnapped child in his equation?” Malekith surveyed him. “I’ve been catching up.” 

“Adopted, kidnapped: thin line,” Loki gave a careless shrug. “Before you mentioned a lot of interesting things, does one include breaking me out.” 

“It can,” Malekith seemed to remember his English. “But I need an oath of allegiance.” 

“Oh, you don’t just ask the stars if I will betray you,” Loki’s words dripped in sarcasm but Malekith didn’t look amused. 

“Prophecy can be misleading.” 

“Prophecy?” Loki asked, trying not to sound too eager. 

“The oath,” Malekith raised his hands the shadows obeyed him, closing in tighter and winding around Loki. 

Loki took the hint and knelt down. “I Loki of Asgard, the rightful heir of Jotunheim, Odinson, pledge by undying fidelity and allegiance.” 

Malekith didn’t motion for him to stand. He held his hand forward and Loki took it and kissed the back. Malekith said nothing and drew a knife. “Turn around.” 

Loki turned around, still on his knees, his lips burned from the cold skin they touched. Malekith controlled this word between their minds and Loki’s shirt vanished. Loki wondered if he could die in here and if it would kill him in real life. The way Malekith held the knife told him it would. But since Malekith controlled his dreamscape he didn’t think he could hurt Malekith, maybe give him a headache. 

He bit his lips and forced his arms to his sides, his chin dipped down and he saw the black mark on his chest, it looked slightly different here, more tightly curled. 

Malekith said nothing as he made a shallow cut on Loki’s back and then another one. He made eight marks, creating an eight point star. Loki’s back was covered in sweat, despite the cold, the Aether still affected his body in strange ways. He’d eaten more today than he has in a whole week. 

Malekith pressed his hand into the marks he cut and blood poured down Loki’s back. He petted Loki’s head like he was a dog, with his blood covered hand. Loki suppressed a shudder.

“Maybe I should carve my name into your back,” Malekith whispered in his ear. Loki closed his eyes and bit back any sass, thinking of good things. Malekith gasped and Loki shuddered as the world shifted to the dinner. A false word but a realistic one. 

Loki stood up and pulled the magic back but as he used the Aether he got flashes of armies and blood soaking sand. 

“I have spent too long heere. I must go, but I will call you again to me, do not keep me waiting.” 

Loki nodded and the world of shadows crumbled. 

**Author's Note:**

> there you have it, folks. thanks for reading.


End file.
